Thursday, February 23, 2012

*Vienna Waits*

You know that feeling. The one where you lay awake staring at the fan as it spins and wonder why everything is taking so long. Whether it is just waiting for the light to turn green, the dryer to finish its job, the gas to fill my Jeep, the accident blocking my school route after I left ten minutes late due to the dryer taking forever and the gas pumping slow, waiting for class to get out, waiting for Will to finish school/work, speeding to get home, cramming homework so I can do other things like tap my foot waiting for my dog to get one more bathroom break for the night, before I go to sleep to late to be well rested in the morning only to rush out late for school.something is always making me use those familiar terms like, "UGH. Come ON! God, this person is slow. Hurry! etc."

I've never understood what makes me this way or why sometimes I move sluggishly and have all the time in the world then suddenly jump to warp speed. It just happens. Recently the rough thing has been waiting to finish the semester, get a full time job, and help Will get his Secondary Education degree. I think I'm so anxiety-stricken because somewhere between graduating high-school and joining the adult world I have forgotten how to delight in the little things. You know, I thought once you hit this grown-up period things you always wanted became easier and started happening on their own. Like, can't I design my home to hold only IKEA items, spiffy light fixtures, solid looking counter tops, metal centerpiece bowls made of flower cutouts and look savvy and sleek and modern? Can't I do that now?

A Picture out of Better Homes and Garden's Magazine...
(Little Shop of Horrors: Somewhere That's Green lyric's)

There are a few things I have always wanted in life. I have always wanted an amazing spouse (first and foremost). I've wanted to sit and write my own books then publish it. I've got the novel series (All 1200 pages, Times New Roman, 12 point font, 1.5 spacing) I'm just missing the publisher. But more than anything else I have wanted to have my own little kids racing around, laughing, causing devious messes, and utterly wearing me out. A few of the other things changed from time to time. I didn't always want the man I married as my husband, until I found him and knew. I didn't always want to write and publish and be a stay-at-home-mom-couch-novelist (Yes, that is a profession.) but I have always wanted a little guy or gal of my own. I've wanted selfishly, greedily, any way I could get a kid as soon as possible was good enough for me. It's a good thing I married a logical guy. Often times baby dialogue goes as such:

Me: Will, let's have a baby!
Will: Ok! How are we going to afford Dr. visits and hospital bills?
Me: We'll budget. We'll actually budget this time!
Will: Who's going to care for it while we work and educate ourselves?
Me: We'll hire a Nanny until it can go to daycare.
Will: I know you hate the idea of someone else raising our kid for us but lets skip that issue for now. How are we going to earn enough money with one of us still in college to keep the three of us healthy and thriving?
Me: We'll work really hard!
Will: Baby, I was to be financially stable, like with one us having a degree and working in the field before bringing a child into the world and learning how to take care of them while we learn about our new careers. Let's wait until that happens, alright? We'll have a kid as soon as we can, promise.
Me: *pouts*
Will: *turns back on iTunes and returns to homework or video games*

That's about how they go. Usually my mind is thinking over all these facts.
"Well, if I work full-time and do that for a year and a half then Will can finish school become a teacher after student teaching then I can go back to school and finish my degree do some student teaching become a high school teacher maybe have a kid sometime in that time and then I can implode-and-self-destruct!"

This has always been an issue. I have always wanted the next thing to come along before it's time and I've spent hours waiting for the next big thing to happen. In doing so I've overlooked the little things. I've calmed down a lot and now have a friendly system to pull me back down from the clouds and illusions of grandeur. For that I can thank Billy Joel and his innate ability to sing what needs to be said.

"Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you wanna be before your time. Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight. Too bad but it's the life you lead, you're so ahead of yourself you forgot what you need. Though you can see where you're wrong you can always see when you're right. You got your passion. you got your pride but don't you know that only fools are satisfied. Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize Vienna waits for you? Slow down you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. You can afford to loose a day or two. When will you realize Vienna waits for you? You know when the truth is told you can get what you want or you can just get old. You're gonna kick off before you even get half-way through. When will you realize Vienna waits for you..."

Take it Slowly. Don't rush it. Time goes by Faster than you think...

When I start "talking crazy" or getting ahead of myself Will shrugs or touches my shoulder and says, "Vienna waits for you" and I'm immediately reminded that he is right. My time will come and I need to chill, relax, disappear for a while, and realize Vienna does wait. I've been working on being more patient and not getting restless as all but three of my friends, mostly unmarried, say those two painful words, "I'm pregnant!" and I faked (but now genuinely) congratulate them. They will have it rough, most of them, and I can wait. I can wait a few years if it means filling an IKEA wardrobe with corduroy jeans, suspenders, shiny shoes, teddy bears, hats and buckles and belts for my little one when they show up.

IKEA is the superior baby decorating master.

I got married young, matured fast, and wanted all the grown up things instantly. I'm very VERY sick of people saying things like, "But you're so young! You should wait to have kids." (No, I should do what works best for me and you should do what works best for you and not recommend what you think is best for me onto my soul. Thanks, but no thanks.) These past few weeks I have just enjoyed being a young person. Right now I am singing along to Taylor Swift's Mine, admiring all my office decorations, hanging out alone with my Labrador, Tofu, and my Bearded Dragon, Kafka, while Will hangs out with his friends at some party. I'm waiting for the neon nail polish to dry on my toes while I sip a cold beer and dream about how different things will be a few years once I'm tired and continue my passion for prose while my baby sleeps on. For this instant I'm not waiting for life to begin but enjoying what I have been avoiding while reaching for "Vienna".

Tomorrow I might wake up dissatisfied with my college-student-barely-making-a-living lifestyle but then I will hum my little melody and be alright again. For now, Vienna waits.

Monday, February 13, 2012

Oh! Hello again!

So after falling out of love with blogging and delving further into my person novel series over the past year I have grown to miss the Creative Non-Fiction side of life. After having an ex/friend pass away in December and loosing two more friends to suicide this month I have remembered how healing and relieving it is to write my current events down. It has been almost a year since I posted my last blog, if you could call it that, and since I have moved three times, gone through three jobs, survived (barely) two school semesters, changed majors, made friends, lost friends, and grown closer to my best friend, William. I'm thinking a return to blogging is becoming quite necessary. I've been lurking on other people's blogs and consistently delighted in their adventures but have selfishly not wanted to share my own. Those days are gone and more posts are to come.

Saturday, April 9, 2011


It's not the crazy you are but the crazies you're with that makes the difference in living conditions and wellbeing.

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

A Photo Montage...Siblings

So I've come to the realization that everything I was told as a child about sibling relationships is coming true. My siblings must have become greater than they were when I was growing up. All of them are so cool and so crazy. I have come to appreciate them. They are like fine wine, better with age. I heard my friends complaining about how their siblings turned out. There seems to be a trend in their case. "We used to be such close friends..." They all seem to say it. I have almost the opposite. "We drove each other crazy as children, thank goodness that passed."

I find more and more truths with this every day.

*Evidence to follow*

Then again, with parents like our we really didn't have a choice. I love you all!

The Ability to Shock the Hunter's and Gatherer's of Old...

Yes, you read that correctly. I am pleased with myself. Will bought a really cool camping light that looks more like a UFO with its underbelly circled LED bottom. He promised me we could make a fort and sleep in it. Here is where the skill comes in. One crocheted blanket and a bunch of furniture later we have ourselves a lovely, little hovel. One to make the Aborigines proud!Will did homework while I crafted this beauty. Tonight we are having a return to childhood. We have our candy stashed (toothbrushes on hand), soda under the table, comic books under the blankets, flat screen on with both systems blinking, waiting their turns, and mattress on the floor. Yes, tonight will be a night to remember! Definitely one of the fun things we've done since Will's return. I may not be much of a house keeper but, hey, when it comes to making blanket forts I have not missed a beat. Yup, I still got it in me!

(Will is playing Oblivion in the comforts of his hovel.)

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Great things to come!

New things are sure to come...I have five blog posts that I've written and have been attempting photos for. ( I would post some of them tonight but Will just got home from a five day canoeing trip and I'd rather chill with him then blog. Go figure!) My camera finally decided it was done dealing with me and took turn for the worst. If anyone knows where I can find a decent camera at an affordable price; let me know. I think blogging is a bit dull without some funk to spice it up.

Monday, December 20, 2010

The Lights Go Up & The Cat Goes Down...

(A Post meant for November. It was saved in a forgotten word document.)

This past year has been full of so many things! So many wonderful and beautiful things.

1. We got married
2. We moved into our apartment
3. We started the quick morph into more-like-adult creatures
4. We both had birthdays (Will's 19th and my 20th)
5. Will won full tuition honors scholarship
6. We got new fish
7. We got a beautiful cat
8. We are one step closer to Bachelor Degrees
9. I got a full-time job
10. We got our first Christmas tree

So many wonderful blessings. (I know our two favorites, besides marriage, are the cat and the tree. )