Thursday, September 16, 2010

Not So Bright

I applied at Petersen's Medical for a retail sales position and had a great interview! I began thinking about all the things 10.50 and hour and insurance could bring. I saw a little house in Provo with a hardwood floor entrance and out lab, Tofu, lying on the carpet we would use to keep dirt off the floor. I saw our olive-green couches facing a new, much-better-than-before television. I saw a cute little kitchen decorated with a few potted plants and a mass of Will's favorite types of food, that we could now afford, on the not anymore broken kitchen table. I saw a little bedroom with lace curtains and our queen mattress adorned in a new bedspread to match the feng shui of the new, little room. I saw a little back yard, just big enough for the two of us and our giant dog. I saw the little houses around us and all their people. We might have had some crazy-fun Mexicans next door who threw fiestas late into the night. We might have neighbors who left their house for church at precisely 10:00 every Sunday. We could watch them through the lace curtains and admire their Sunday best while Will played video games and did homework and I sat on the couch, trying to punch out the next chapter in my novel, Road to Freedom. We could stay up late and invite friends over to share our good fortune with.

I got a call back from Petersen's Medical. They decided to go with a more experienced candidate. I saw all of my house dreams fading and leaving me with the okay situation i am in now. We have five meals at a time in the fridge. Our dog lives at the in-laws house. Our basement apartment has heated floors and pretty walls. Will has an office and I have a jacuzzi bathtub. Our landlords are very kind to us. We have a great deal on our little home and yet I am discontented. Being so far away from family is not good for my emotional health. One day I will get there. William will go on to get his PhD and I will publish my novel. We will be fine, or even well off; I've just got to wait until then. It's going to be alright. You know it's going to be alright.
God in my living, there in my breathing. God in my waking, there in my sleeping. God in my resting, there in my working. God in my thinking, there in my speaking. God in my hoping, there in my dreaming. God in my watching, there in my waiting. God in my laughing, there in my weeping. God in my hurting, there in my healing. Be my everything. ~Tim Hughes

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