*Vienna Waits*

You know that feeling. The one where you lay awake staring at the fan as it spins and wonder why everything is taking so long. Whether it is just waiting for the light to turn green, the dryer to finish its job, the gas to fill my Jeep, the accident blocking my school route after I left ten minutes late due to the dryer taking forever and the gas pumping slow, waiting for class to get out, waiting for Will to finish school/work, speeding to get home, cramming homework so I can do other things like tap my foot waiting for my dog to get one more bathroom break for the night, before I go to sleep to late to be well rested in the morning only to rush out late for school.something is always making me use those familiar terms like, "UGH. Come ON! God, this person is slow. Hurry! etc."

I've never understood what makes me this way or why sometimes I move sluggishly and have all the time in the world then suddenly jump to warp speed. It just happens. Recently the rough thing has been waiting to finish the semester, get a full time job, and help Will get his Secondary Education degree. I think I'm so anxiety-stricken because somewhere between graduating high-school and joining the adult world I have forgotten how to delight in the little things. You know, I thought once you hit this grown-up period things you always wanted became easier and started happening on their own. Like, can't I design my home to hold only IKEA items, spiffy light fixtures, solid looking counter tops, metal centerpiece bowls made of flower cutouts and look savvy and sleek and modern? Can't I do that now?

A Picture out of Better Homes and Garden's Magazine...

(Little Shop of Horrors: Somewhere That's Green lyric's)

There are a few things I have always wanted in life. I have always wanted an amazing spouse (first and foremost). I've wanted to sit and write my own books then publish it. I've got the novel series (All 1200 pages, Times New Roman, 12 point font, 1.5 spacing) I'm just missing the publisher. But more than anything else I have wanted to have my own little kids racing around, laughing, causing devious messes, and utterly wearing me out. A few of the other things changed from time to time. I didn't always want the man I married as my husband, until I found him and knew. I didn't always want to write and publish and be a stay-at-home-mom-couch-novelist (Yes, that is a profession.) but I have always wanted a little guy or gal of my own. I've wanted selfishly, greedily, any way I could get a kid as soon as possible was good enough for me. It's a good thing I married a logical guy. Often times baby dialogue goes as such:

Me: Will, let's have a baby!

Will: Ok! How are we going to afford Dr. visits and hospital bills?

Me: We'll budget. We'll actually budget this time!

Will: Who's going to care for it while we work and educate ourselves?

Me: We'll hire a Nanny until it can go to daycare.

Will: I know you hate the idea of someone else raising our kid for us but lets skip that issue for now. How are we going to earn enough money with one of us still in college to keep the three of us healthy and thriving?

Me: We'll work really hard!

Will: Baby, I was to be financially stable, like with one us having a degree and working in the field before bringing a child into the world and learning how to take care of them while we learn about our new careers. Let's wait until that happens, alright? We'll have a kid as soon as we can, promise.

Me: *pouts*

Will: *turns back on iTunes and returns to homework or video games*

That's about how they go. Usually my mind is thinking over all these facts.

"Well, if I work full-time and do that for a year and a half then Will can finish school become a teacher after student teaching then I can go back to school and finish my degree do some student teaching become a high school teacher maybe have a kid sometime in that time and then I can implode-and-self-destruct!"

This has always been an issue. I have always wanted the next thing to come along before it's time and I've spent hours waiting for the next big thing to happen. In doing so I've overlooked the little things. I've calmed down a lot and now have a friendly system to pull me back down from the clouds and illusions of grandeur. For that I can thank Billy Joel and his innate ability to sing what needs to be said.

"Slow down, you're doing fine. You can't be everything you wanna be before your time. Although it's so romantic on the borderline tonight. Too bad but it's the life you lead, you're so ahead of yourself you forgot what you need. Though you can see where you're wrong you can always see when you're right. You got your passion. you got your pride but don't you know that only fools are satisfied. Dream on but don't imagine they'll all come true. When will you realize Vienna waits for you? Slow down you crazy child, take the phone off the hook and disappear for a while. You can afford to loose a day or two. When will you realize Vienna waits for you? You know when the truth is told you can get what you want or you can just get old. You're gonna kick off before you even get half-way through. When will you realize Vienna waits for you..."

Take it Slowly. Don't rush it. Time goes by Faster than you think...

When I start "talking crazy" or getting ahead of myself Will shrugs or touches my shoulder and says, "Vienna waits for you" and I'm immediately reminded that he is right. My time will come and I need to chill, relax, disappear for a while, and realize Vienna does wait. I've been working on being more patient and not getting restless as all but three of my friends, mostly unmarried, say those two painful words, "I'm pregnant!" and I faked (but now genuinely) congratulate them. They will have it rough, most of them, and I can wait. I can wait a few years if it means filling an IKEA wardrobe with corduroy jeans, suspenders, shiny shoes, teddy bears, hats and buckles and belts for my little one when they show up.

IKEA is the superior baby decorating master.

I got married young, matured fast, and wanted all the grown up things instantly. I'm very VERY sick of people saying things like, "But you're so young! You should wait to have kids." (No, I should do what works best for me and you should do what works best for you and not recommend what you think is best for me onto my soul. Thanks, but no thanks.) These past few weeks I have just enjoyed being a young person. Right now I am singing along to Taylor Swift's Mine, admiring all my office decorations, hanging out alone with my Labrador, Tofu, and my Bearded Dragon, Kafka, while Will hangs out with his friends at some party. I'm waiting for the neon nail polish to dry on my toes while I sip a cold beer and dream about how different things will be a few years once I'm tired and continue my passion for prose while my baby sleeps on. For this instant I'm not waiting for life to begin but enjoying what I have been avoiding while reaching for "Vienna".

Tomorrow I might wake up dissatisfied with my college-student-barely-making-a-living lifestyle but then I will hum my little melody and be alright again. For now, Vienna waits.

The Ability to Shock the Hunter's and Gatherer's of Old...

Yes, you read that correctly. I am pleased with myself. Will bought a really cool camping light that looks more like a UFO with its underbelly circled LED bottom. He promised me we could make a fort and sleep in it. Here is where the skill comes in. One crocheted blanket and a bunch of furniture later we have ourselves a lovely, little hovel. One to make the Aborigines proud!Will did homework while I crafted this beauty. Tonight we are having a return to childhood. We have our candy stashed (toothbrushes on hand), soda under the table, comic books under the blankets, flat screen on with both systems blinking, waiting their turns, and mattress on the floor. Yes, tonight will be a night to remember! Definitely one of the fun things we've done since Will's return. I may not be much of a house keeper but, hey, when it comes to making blanket forts I have not missed a beat. Yup, I still got it in me!

(Will is playing Oblivion in the comforts of his hovel.)

Salmon in A Bag

Today started like any other day. I heard William trying to coax me out of bed, glanced at the alarm clock, realized I slept in an extra ten minutes, sat up and had my clothes on before William could finish searching for something clean to put on. I shoveled some Captain Crunch Berries in and rushed to put on shoes. (We've discovered that if I drive William to school three hours early he can do homework, I still get to work in time, and we don't have to drive the Jeep to Orem.

Today we left in one car and I panicked. If I was late to work they would not be pleased. Will stopped by his parents house to pick up some art supplies and drop me off at my car. I would be very early to work but anything was better than being late for the second time. (I had never been late to work until I transfered to Provo.) After running in William returned to tell me there were fresh cinnamon rolls inside and cold juice. We left earlier than I would have and we were able to sit and relax for ten minutes. Naturally, being me, I pushed the time I needed to get to work an hit traffic on the freeway. Not to worry though. I clocked in at 8:00 on the dot! Work was super slow, it always is at the Provo store, but there was pleanty of things to due thanks to the rush to close quickly and get to the work party the night before. It was nice to feel busy
again at work. Orem is an easier store to work at, if only because time passes quickly.


Things never seem to slow down right now outside of work. After work I went to UVU for school. I came home after school and realized Will had not cooked anything for dinner. It is probably better this way; sometimes I'm afraid Will's cooking might be toxic. I decided salmon was a good thing to have after a long day. I checked the instructions. Thaw for 1 hour in warm water. I looked at my salmon. I had nothing big enough to hold this delicious, yet large, fillet of salmon so I thought. I have a large sink though. I looked white trash but I opened the protective wrapping and put my salmon at the bottom of a 20 gallon trash bag and submerged it in the steaming water, leaving the opening hanging over the sink. T'was a great dinner to eat around 11:00pm.

(I may insert said picture of salmon in a trash bag but at the time I was not quite thinking of blogging about this eventful night.)

I was so glad we ate Salmon that night because the night after I made some brownies in the morning and went to make tea in the afternoon. It smelled of glass and tin foil and chocolate for about 30 seconds until I ran into the kitchen to find the wrong burner on and directly under the glass pan of new brownies. I learned not to pick up high-heated glass pans because their structural integrity has been comprimised by the heat...our pan shattered and I experienced a glass explosion. A peice got lodged in my foot and bothered me for a day or so but no harm done and an awesome, eventful few days of zest to add to our life.

It is never boring here at the Bailey home.

Not So Bright

I applied at Petersen's Medical for a retail sales position and had a great interview! I began thinking about all the things 10.50 and hour and insurance could bring. I saw a little house in Provo with a hardwood floor entrance and out lab, Tofu, lying on the carpet we would use to keep dirt off the floor. I saw our olive-green couches facing a new, much-better-than-before television. I saw a cute little kitchen decorated with a few potted plants and a mass of Will's favorite types of food, that we could now afford, on the not anymore broken kitchen table. I saw a little bedroom with lace curtains and our queen mattress adorned in a new bedspread to match the feng shui of the new, little room. I saw a little back yard, just big enough for the two of us and our giant dog. I saw the little houses around us and all their people. We might have had some crazy-fun Mexicans next door who threw fiestas late into the night. We might have neighbors who left their house for church at precisely 10:00 every Sunday. We could watch them through the lace curtains and admire their Sunday best while Will played video games and did homework and I sat on the couch, trying to punch out the next chapter in my novel, Road to Freedom. We could stay up late and invite friends over to share our good fortune with.

I got a call back from Petersen's Medical. They decided to go with a more experienced candidate. I saw all of my house dreams fading and leaving me with the okay situation i am in now. We have five meals at a time in the fridge. Our dog lives at the in-laws house. Our basement apartment has heated floors and pretty walls. Will has an office and I have a jacuzzi bathtub. Our landlords are very kind to us. We have a great deal on our little home and yet I am discontented. Being so far away from family is not good for my emotional health. One day I will get there. William will go on to get his PhD and I will publish my novel. We will be fine, or even well off; I've just got to wait until then. It's going to be alright. You know it's going to be alright.

God in my living, there in my breathing. God in my waking, there in my sleeping. God in my resting, there in my working. God in my thinking, there in my speaking. God in my hoping, there in my dreaming. God in my watching, there in my waiting. God in my laughing, there in my weeping. God in my hurting, there in my healing. Be my everything. ~Tim Hughes